1 - School, eating, and money
Jan. 23rd, 2014 05:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
calendar_girlJOURNAL CONTENT WARNING: Eating disorder, and health/blood discussion
Although last night was terrifying and I got sick, sleeping really helped me with sorting out some feelings. Today has been a lot better and I'm not stressing out as much as I was yesterday. It's nice not feeling like my brain is running a million meters per second and right off a cliff. It's kind of weird using dreamwidth again, though. I haven't posted to a journal in AGES... but something about it seems less stressful than tumblr. More like I'm documenting something for myself and less like I'm frantically posting things and wondering if people are going to notice and reply. It's more calm, I guess. Maybe I should write a journal a day, even when I come back everywhere, if this helps.
Anyway, it's only 5 pm right now, and I'm actually in my linear algebra class, but this class is mega easy and I've already taught myself the method we're using during the break in order to prepare myself for this course. I should pay attention more, but I'm going to study hard tonight. I have physics to do as well, and I need to catch up with that, but otherwise, I'm generally ok in my classes. I'm not too worried about work at the moment. If I take studying really seriously during my break time, I'll be fine, and I plan on doing that.
Also I have to drink tons of water because I need to get more bloodwork done tomorrow and I was too dehydrated last time for any conclusive results. I hope the lab assistant this time is the same as last time/is as nice as the one who did it last time. I hope that I won't have to do it again and that they find out what's up with my fatigue problems. I'm so tired of laying around like a pathetic lump in bed. Urgh.
I've done really really well today with food. I had a BIG lunch and totally splurged at Taco Bell and bought 2 tacos and the biggest nacho plate they have. I'm STILL stuffed from it, but I don't feel guilty, which is good. I'm even looking forward to eating more potato soup tonight... I'm going to freeze whatever I don't eat, because that stuff is so good and makes me warm and happy inside. It's funny, because potato soup is probably the MOST packed with calories. For comparison, one cup of chicken noodle soup has 87 calories, one cup of potato soup has 160 calories, but potato soup is a "safe" food. I've started making lists of "safe" foods in my head, and it's kind of sporadic and all over the place, but making these lists gives me a way to still eat food when I'm in the "you don't deserve it" mindset. It's nice having potato soup in there, because not only is it safe, but it's also one of my favorites. I'll type out my list thus far tonight, I think.
I mostly hung out with Ben and Brett today at the engineering tutoring center and we talked about the usual stuff. Y'know, complaining about our money issues and dreaming of the day that we'll all pay off our school loans and get out of debt. I have a different mindset toward money than Brett and Ben, that's for sure, but it also is just a difference in our personalities. Ben is pretty relaxed and health-oriented these days, Brett takes things really jokingly when it comes to money, and I just hate capitalism and want to use any money I make to support myself, my family, my friends, and anyone else that needs it. I promised myself that if I get through school and manage to get a good income that I'll only use what I need, plus a tiny bit money set aside for fun, and a small amount set aside for emergencies, and give the rest to other people who need it. I want to be that person who donates 1000 bucks to someone struggling to pay for school/medical procedures/surgery/to make rent/basic needs/etc and makes a difference in a place where people think you're lazy if you're not in a good place financially. The average salary for a physicist is like $80k if I remember and a mathematician is $100k. I'm one person, man. I can afford to give more if I have more to the people who need more and have less. That's my basic economic philosophy, haha...
Speaking of money, I filled out a check today and managed not to fuck it up. Checks are scary, mostly because I'm Really Bad with words and you have to write out the amount in words and I fuck up when writing them out and also apparently forgot how to spell hundred when I was practicing writing out what I'd put on the check. Kind of embarrassing coming from someone who claims to be decent at mathematics. But it made it even more nerve-wracking is that the check was in my dad's name and he had filled out everything but the amount needed. If I fucked up, oh man, I'd put us into horrifying debt. God.
Dealing with adult things is scary and I probably rate it 3/10. At least I feel a sense of accomplishment???
Anyways, I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not checking tumblr every now and again to see what everyone is up to, but kind of pulling myself out of constant interaction is helping me stop being so worried about what people are thinking of me and I'm able to take time primarily for myself. I feel kind of bad because what if someone needs someone to be there? But I told people they can contact me by email/here and I'm not 100% unreachable. I'm still checking on you guys like I always do. I still wanna know what's going on even if I'm not actively there at the moment, and if you need someone really bad, I'll zip over there!!!!
I've enabled anonymous comments on this, so if I linked this journal to you, feel free to comment if you wanna poke me and just tell me who you are!!!
Now off to do homework, write up my DND character's profile, and try to stay hydrated. I might post again today, and I'll be "crossposting" to tumblr I guess??? Maybe just the main journals. Who knows. Anyways, I hope everyone is doing well and had a good day today!!! Mimi, if you're reading, I started plotting out a tiny comic for the OTP ok? I'm PUMPED to get started once I get my homework out of the way.
Yeah. All and all, today was good and I think it was helpful, so I think this break will be good for me. I'll be back to talking with you guys as soon as I'm 100%. I love you all!!!
- Laura
Although last night was terrifying and I got sick, sleeping really helped me with sorting out some feelings. Today has been a lot better and I'm not stressing out as much as I was yesterday. It's nice not feeling like my brain is running a million meters per second and right off a cliff. It's kind of weird using dreamwidth again, though. I haven't posted to a journal in AGES... but something about it seems less stressful than tumblr. More like I'm documenting something for myself and less like I'm frantically posting things and wondering if people are going to notice and reply. It's more calm, I guess. Maybe I should write a journal a day, even when I come back everywhere, if this helps.
Anyway, it's only 5 pm right now, and I'm actually in my linear algebra class, but this class is mega easy and I've already taught myself the method we're using during the break in order to prepare myself for this course. I should pay attention more, but I'm going to study hard tonight. I have physics to do as well, and I need to catch up with that, but otherwise, I'm generally ok in my classes. I'm not too worried about work at the moment. If I take studying really seriously during my break time, I'll be fine, and I plan on doing that.
Also I have to drink tons of water because I need to get more bloodwork done tomorrow and I was too dehydrated last time for any conclusive results. I hope the lab assistant this time is the same as last time/is as nice as the one who did it last time. I hope that I won't have to do it again and that they find out what's up with my fatigue problems. I'm so tired of laying around like a pathetic lump in bed. Urgh.
I've done really really well today with food. I had a BIG lunch and totally splurged at Taco Bell and bought 2 tacos and the biggest nacho plate they have. I'm STILL stuffed from it, but I don't feel guilty, which is good. I'm even looking forward to eating more potato soup tonight... I'm going to freeze whatever I don't eat, because that stuff is so good and makes me warm and happy inside. It's funny, because potato soup is probably the MOST packed with calories. For comparison, one cup of chicken noodle soup has 87 calories, one cup of potato soup has 160 calories, but potato soup is a "safe" food. I've started making lists of "safe" foods in my head, and it's kind of sporadic and all over the place, but making these lists gives me a way to still eat food when I'm in the "you don't deserve it" mindset. It's nice having potato soup in there, because not only is it safe, but it's also one of my favorites. I'll type out my list thus far tonight, I think.
I mostly hung out with Ben and Brett today at the engineering tutoring center and we talked about the usual stuff. Y'know, complaining about our money issues and dreaming of the day that we'll all pay off our school loans and get out of debt. I have a different mindset toward money than Brett and Ben, that's for sure, but it also is just a difference in our personalities. Ben is pretty relaxed and health-oriented these days, Brett takes things really jokingly when it comes to money, and I just hate capitalism and want to use any money I make to support myself, my family, my friends, and anyone else that needs it. I promised myself that if I get through school and manage to get a good income that I'll only use what I need, plus a tiny bit money set aside for fun, and a small amount set aside for emergencies, and give the rest to other people who need it. I want to be that person who donates 1000 bucks to someone struggling to pay for school/medical procedures/surgery/to make rent/basic needs/etc and makes a difference in a place where people think you're lazy if you're not in a good place financially. The average salary for a physicist is like $80k if I remember and a mathematician is $100k. I'm one person, man. I can afford to give more if I have more to the people who need more and have less. That's my basic economic philosophy, haha...
Speaking of money, I filled out a check today and managed not to fuck it up. Checks are scary, mostly because I'm Really Bad with words and you have to write out the amount in words and I fuck up when writing them out and also apparently forgot how to spell hundred when I was practicing writing out what I'd put on the check. Kind of embarrassing coming from someone who claims to be decent at mathematics. But it made it even more nerve-wracking is that the check was in my dad's name and he had filled out everything but the amount needed. If I fucked up, oh man, I'd put us into horrifying debt. God.
Dealing with adult things is scary and I probably rate it 3/10. At least I feel a sense of accomplishment???
Anyways, I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not checking tumblr every now and again to see what everyone is up to, but kind of pulling myself out of constant interaction is helping me stop being so worried about what people are thinking of me and I'm able to take time primarily for myself. I feel kind of bad because what if someone needs someone to be there? But I told people they can contact me by email/here and I'm not 100% unreachable. I'm still checking on you guys like I always do. I still wanna know what's going on even if I'm not actively there at the moment, and if you need someone really bad, I'll zip over there!!!!
I've enabled anonymous comments on this, so if I linked this journal to you, feel free to comment if you wanna poke me and just tell me who you are!!!
Now off to do homework, write up my DND character's profile, and try to stay hydrated. I might post again today, and I'll be "crossposting" to tumblr I guess??? Maybe just the main journals. Who knows. Anyways, I hope everyone is doing well and had a good day today!!! Mimi, if you're reading, I started plotting out a tiny comic for the OTP ok? I'm PUMPED to get started once I get my homework out of the way.
Yeah. All and all, today was good and I think it was helpful, so I think this break will be good for me. I'll be back to talking with you guys as soon as I'm 100%. I love you all!!!
- Laura
